Subject: health Men Better Fathers
From: "Ron Hellyer" <[email-masked]>
To: "'Fatherhood Foundation'" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:26:13 +0930

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Issue 196 - 29th May,2006 	Go to our website Here
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*	Hello !%DATA-2%! <>  

*	Grandads <>  

*	Laughter <>  

*	Single Dads + All Men <>  

*	All you need is Love <>  

*	Thought of the Week <>  

*	Special Feature <>  

*	News  <> & Info 

*	Dad's Prayer <>  

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Hello !%DATA-2%!

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This week is Men's Health Week and I have just been to see my doctor for a
check up.  You're probably thinking that I am really on top of my health.
Unfortunately I'm not.  The truth is that I am two years behind schedule. I
went for a check up two years ago and then didn't ever get around to finding
out the results of blood tests etc.  

Why am I so afraid of the doctor?  It's not fear so much as apathy.  Simply
put, I don't put a priority on my own health.  This is not good for me as a
father of five children and a beautiful wife.  If I die before my time, what
will they do?  For that reason men need to look after their health and
especially when they become fathers.  Their responsibility is no longer just
to themselves.

Probably one of the world's greatest speakers on health is Dr John Tickell.
Interestingly he happens to be an Australian.  A medical doctor who paid his
own way through medical school by playing Australian rules football during
the day and doing music/comedy routines at night, he is rated as one of the
top ten speakers in the world by America's most influential business group.
Dr Tickell has a DVD out which is brilliant and funny all at the same time.
He is the author of 'Laughter, Sex, Vegetables and Fish - 10 Secrets of Long
Living People' www.drjohntickell.com   The fathers who watched his Stress of
Success DVD in our first 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course agreed
with America's most influential business group. Dr Tickell was the definite
favourite.  Here are some of his comments on the need for us to do more
exercise.

'One of the great disasters of the modern-day scene is that it is usual to
double our fat content from age 20 to 60 and this is disgusting because all
this fat contains miles and miles of blood vessels and if you screw all
these miles on to a system of pipes with one little old pump doing the
pumping, the pressure goes up in the pipes (blood pressure) and the little
old pump often gives up (heart attack, death etc).

Not only is it usual to double our fat content, but the other thing is even
worse - we generally halve our muscle content in the same age range.  We
lose 6 or 7 pounds of real working muscle each decade once becoming adults,
because we sit on our butts becoming 'successful', whatever that is.

And when your muscles are flabby, there is more strain on the ligaments and
joints which we can easily hurt just doing the simplest things like picking
up a suit case or twisting, because we have no muscle tone.

Everybody over the age of 40 - no, I've changed my mind - over the age of
30, should be locked in a room for five minutes a day and be directed to
work out with a few light weights to regain and maintain some real muscle
that pumps blood effectively to all the tissues - you look better, feel
better, sleep better, love better, do everything better.

Muscles also burn more energy which keeps your weight in check more easily.
Sounds good.

How many years do you do this for? Until you drop dead.

Loss of calcium, weak bones, brittle bones, broken hip bones, wrist bones,
bent spines.

What to do?

MOVE YOUR BONES
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if> 

If you put your bones in a chair for most of the time, the calcium
disappears, and it is very difficult to get it all back (like impossible) by
taking pills.

If you take your bones for a walk around the block every couple of days and
work out now and then, the calcium stays there.

Amazing.

Lovework

Prioritise your health.  Eat well, maintain a healthy weight, exercise more,
work hard but take time for a break, laugh more and have regular check ups.
Healthy men are better fathers.  Your family needs you.

Yours for healthy men

Warwick Marsh

PS Greg Millan is a men's health consultant based in Newcastle, Australia.
He has a great monthly men's health & wellbeing email/newsletter.  Email him
at  <mailto:[email-masked]> [email-masked]   Back copies of
his 'Emale' can be viewed at  <http://www.menshealth.uws.edu.au/news.html>
www.menshealth.uws.edu.au/news.html  

________________________________________ 

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is 
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in 
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician, 
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he 
can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

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Kids don't do what you tell them to do 

- they do what you do.

You set up their behaviour patterns for them, 

particularly in the first five years of their lives.

You eat mainly meats and cheeses 

- they think that's normal.

You eat more of the vegetables, fruits, rough breads, nuts

 - they think that's normal.

You yell and scream and treat people with no respect 

- they think that's normal and 

they yell and scream and treat people with no respect.

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You laugh at life 

- they laugh with you.

No discipline 

- no hope.

Be firm 

but fair.

PS: If you have more than five kids,

that makes you a bigger expert than I am.

Dr John Tickell

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Laughter

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 A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started
her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"  

  After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up.  

  The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie?"  

  "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"  
_____________________________________________________________

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Little Davie's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police
station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most
wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it
really was the photo of a wanted person.  

  "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture
him."  

  Little Davie asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

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Single Dads + All Men

 

Unacceptable
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Part One 

By Steve Waldon 

15 May 2006 

The Age (Melbourne) 

'Now!" Three letters, one word - but it looks like being the most important
exclamation in the latest campaign to stop Australian men killing
themselves. 

That they do so in alarming numbers between 25 and 44, or from 75 on, is
known. Although no one is claiming the list is definitive, also known are
the many triggers: alcoholism, gambling issues, relationship breakdowns, job
loss. Men are not immune from the attendant repercussions: depression,
loneliness, or the erosion of self-esteem. 

And then there are those who take their lives for no apparent reason. 

Responsible, employed, loved and loving men who commit suicide, leaving
behind bewildered family and friends, tormented by a needless death and
their failure to prevent it. You couldn't, counsellors tell them, because he
didn't give you the right signals that he was struggling. True, but also
cold comfort. 

Male suicide is not ignored. You will find plenty of concerned people
immersing themselves (sometimes to the detriment of their own health) in -
what are the words that always apply? - "programs", "service provision",
"initiatives". 

But there is a growing frustration among those people that the issue of why
men kill themselves has not become a deafening blip on the public radar.
Much of that frustration was evident when about 100 delegates gathered for
two days in Sydney earlier this month, charged with thrashing out what
amounts to a decisive action plan to raise community awareness of male
suicide. 

As one said, with an exasperation that the others understood too well, if
five dead men washed up on Bondi or St Kilda beach, the place would be
swarming with media. If it happened the next day, and the day after, there
would be a national outcry. Does the fact that the men who commit suicide
are not so public make them any less dead? 

The forum hosted a diverse group representing employers, the health
fraternity, health service providers, researchers and policy makers from
around Australia. The ambitious collaboration was organised by Suicide
Prevention Australia, Mensline Australia and Crisis Support Services. John
McDonald, for one, rated it not just important, but historic. 

McDonald is professor of public health at the University of Western Sydney
and president of the Australasian Men's Health Forum. He also is an
articulate Scot to whom people tend to listen, so if any of the delegates
doubted much would come from the National Forum on Men and Suicide, he
reassured them. 

"This is a historic occasion," he said. "In years to come, people will say
'Oh yes, May 2006, that's when all those people went to Sydney (and emerged
with a plan)'." 

"We must put male suicide on the national agenda," McDonald said
emphatically. He meant not just in government departments and think tanks,
but a vast community awareness that men are dying, from which hopefully
would stem a substantial rethink in wider society. And a sense of urgency.
"We must value men. We must honour them, not just when they come back (as
war dead), but long before then." 

Of the 2098 Australian suicides annually, 80 per cent are male. Almost 50
per cent of them are males aged 25-44 years. The yearly averages fluctuate,
but never below staggering. 

The figures are, Professor Ian Webster says, "one of the great tragedies of
Australia today and that is completely unacceptable". Some of the more
voluble delegates would have been tempted to replace "completely" with
"f---ing". Last month, the Federal Government announced an additional $1.8
billion in Commonwealth funding to fix Australia's mental health system. 

Prime Minister John Howard said the money would be spent over five years to
allow more mentally ill people to see psychologists and to address the
critical shortage of mental health nurses and clinical psychologists. 

But is it just about money? Ian Webster, the chairman of the National
Advisory Council on Suicide Prevention, says that getting funds is great,
but conceptualisation and understanding come first. 

If we don't get to grips with the fact that male suicide is as complex a
health issue as the nation faces, then prevention strategies will not make
significant inroads into it. 

There has been plenty written and spoken over the past 20 years about
society allowing men to "get in touch with their feelings", explore their
"feminine side", or "express their vulnerability". 

But Webster thinks that centuries of expectations of men remain pervasive.
"Society expects much of men and the tests of performance are pretty stiff
and uncompromising," he says. 

"We expect leadership, toughness, resilience, physical and emotional
strength, warm and loving relationships, a stiff upper lip, productive work,
and the ability to provide for a family. A challenge indeed." 

Webster said that Australians had been sufficiently concerned by the road
toll 30 years ago to form national strategies to tackle speeding and drink
driving. The country must now see male suicide as worthy of the same alarm,
he said. 

The forum was a slog, even for delegates used to working long and hard in
fields where they are constantly exposed to distress and misery. 

The organisers made it clear they wanted a blueprint - an action plan to be
handed to decision makers in government and business. Delegates were told to
produce conclusions and recommendations that would not end up "as just
another report on someone's bookshelf". 

(to be continued)

For assistance or information visit: 

 www.dadsindistress.asn.au 

  <http://www.suicidepreventionaust.org/> www.suicidepreventionaust.org  

  <http://www.menslineaus.org.au/> www.menslineaus.org.au  

  <http://www.crisissupport.org.au/> www.crisissupport.org.au  

  <http://www.beyondblue.org.au/> www.beyondblue.org.au   

Call Suicide Helpline Victoria on 1300 651 251 or Lifeline on 131 114.

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All you need is Love

  

MARRIAGES TESTED BY SCARS OF WAR
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Military couples recast future in face of the unthinkable

By Michael E. Ruane

The Washington Post

May 27, 2006

WASHINGTON - A few weeks after an explosion tore off his legs and part of
his right arm, Army Sgt. Joseph Bozik felt the time had come to tell his
girlfriend she no longer was bound by their plans for marriage.

He asked his mother to leave his hospital room at the Walter Reed Army
Medical Center and addressed his girlfriend, Jayme Peters. "Be completely
honest with me," he said. "If you want to go home, that's fine."

As she broke into tears, Bozik said he'd be okay, and he would completely
understand. He knew she had not bargained for a husband like this.

Along with its impact on bodies and minds, the war in Iraq has deeply
affected military marriages and relationships. It has presented some young
couples with the age-old choice: to wed before departure to the front or
wait until homecoming. And it has forced married couples to endure long,
repeated separations.

But experts say the hardest challenge can be when a spouse or lover comes
home catastrophically injured.

"The young stud that the woman married, when he comes back injured, is no
longer a stud," said one Army counselor.

Reuniting with a changed spouse couples have had to face reunions in which
the returning soldier or Marine has lost one, two or three limbs, has been
disfigured or paralyzed, or has suffered a permanent, debilitating brain
injury.

The couple must re-examine the foundations on which their relationship is
built, experts say. The two might have to accept new roles, in which the
spouse may be the chief breadwinner and caregiver. And the injured service
member may feel like less of a person and wonder if he or she is still
really loved.
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Kay Eady, 50, a teacher from Albany, Ga., said she often tells her husband,
Clarence, 41, who is recovering at Walter Reed from the loss of a leg in
Iraq: "You're more a man to me now -- for someone to go through that and
come out smiling."

But Michael J. Wagner, director of Walter Reed's medical family assistance
center, said he once heard a spouse say in front of her injured husband:

"How can I deal with this? He's not even a whole man anymore."

The final blow.

One young soldier recuperating from a double amputation at Walter Reed said
recently that his war injuries were the last blow for his four-year
marriage. He said his wife already was unhappy with his two tours in Iraq.

Speaking anonymously because he is in the midst of a divorce, he said she
left the hospital partway through his recovery, telling his mother she was
not coming back.

"That was rough," he said. "I got on the phone to her and talked to her and
cried. . . . I was like, 'I got nobody.' That was the hardest thing. If she
had just stuck it out a little longer."

Combat in Iraq and Afghanistan has produced 424 amputees, according to a
Walter Reed spokesman, and 459 traumatic brain injuries have been treated at
the naval hospital in Bethesda, which specializes in brain-damaged
casualties.

Steven Tice, a veteran trauma counselor who lost an arm and a shoulder in
Vietnam in 1970, said it also is possible for the challenge of a major war
injury to enrich a marriage in the long term. Tice married in 1970 after
returning from Vietnam, was divorced in 1977, then remarried his wife the
following year after receiving counseling for combat stress. They have been
together for 36 years and have three children.

"I think it can be a key to a thriving marriage," he said in a recent
telephone interview. If a couple can come out of such a calamity "with
compassion for each other, and assist each other in negotiating the planet,
you've got some healthy individuals."

(Excerpt from the Washington Post)

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Thought of the Week

 
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A cheerful heart is good medicine

Book of Proverbs

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Special Feature

The 'I Beam' Test

By Richard Hardy
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Those of you who work in the construction industry will know exactly what an
'I' beam is.  It's a commonly used structural steel beam used in all manner
of construction from houses through to multi-storey buildings which has a
cross section like the letter 'I', But what does the 'I Beam Test' have to
do with being a dad?

In my last article I wrote about how I made a commitment to myself and my
family to be an involved Dad.  I talked about making your family a priority.

Let me share with you how I came to make my family the highest priority in
my life.

Seven years ago I was working long hours and with the arrival of our first
child I was really struggling with work/family balance.  I had to do
something.  I found an audio book and set about listening to it in the car
during my 1 hour commute to and from work every day. The book was called,
'What Matters Most - the Power of Living Your Values' by Hyrum W. Smith.
The following is an abbreviated transcript of one of the exercises from the
audio book as spoken by Hyrum W. Smith.  The exercise had a profound impact
on me in terms of helping me determine my highest priorities and values.

Hyrum started on the exercise: "Let's suppose that out the front of your
house lying on the street is an 'I' beam.  The beam is 50m long, 300mm high
and 150mm wide on the top and bottom.  Your going to stand at one end of the
'I' beam and I'm going to get at the other end.  Once we're both in position
I pull from my wallet a $100 bill and shout down to you at the other end,
"If you walk down this beam without stepping off either side and get here in
less than 2 minutes I will give you the $100, will you come?" 

"Well, yes", I thought. There's no risk. It's an easy $100 bucks.

Hyrum continued: "Now let's change the scenario and take the same 'I' beam,
put it on the back of a long flat bed truck and drive it all the way to New
York City.  At the lower end of Manhattan Island there are two famous sky
scrapers called the World Trade Centre at over 410m high. They are the
tallest twin towers in the United States.  Let's say we have a crane mounted
on the top of one of these towers and we drop a cable down, pick up the 'I'
beam from our truck and place it in the brackets attached firmly to each of
these two buildings.  I invite you to take the elevator to the top of one of
the buildings whilst I take the elevator to the top of the other building.
Every time I have been to the top of the towers there has always been a wind
blowing. Let's say that there happens to be a wind today blowing at 60 km/h
and to make it even more interesting, it?s raining.  You're on top of one
building I?m on the other 50m away.  I shout to you through the wind and the
mist holding up the $100, "If you walk down this beam without stepping off
either side and get here in less than 2 minutes, I will give you the $100,
will you come?"

You've got to be kidding I thought to myself

Hyrum continued: "I then say, "Alright instead of $100 I now have $10,000
dollars. Would you get on that 'I' beam for $10,000 ? probably not.  I now
up the anti. I now have $50,000 on my side of the 'I' beam and all you have
to do is walk the same 50m you did in front of your house.  Would you get on
the 'I' beam for $50,000?  Probably not.  I now raise the anti one more time
to $1,000,000.  Of course, the wind is up and the rain has increased. There
are no safety devices, it's a 150mm wide 'I' beam 410m above the street and
a 50m walk.  Would you come across the beam for $1,000,000?  Your answer
would probably still be no."

Not a chance I thought to myself.

Hyrum continued:  "Let's change the scenario one last time.  Instead of me
standing at the end of the 'I' beam waving $1,000,000, your little two year
old child or grandchild is there and let's say that no one else is there to
help and your child has climbed up on top of the beam.  He looks across and,
delighted to see you on the other side, starts to walk across."

At that point, in my mind I was already half way across the beam!

Hyrum concluded:  "At that point I don't even need to ask you if you'll come
across the 'I' beam.    You would probably run across it or at least find
some way to get across it to save your child!"

This was a dramatic and profound realisation for me ? that I would be
prepared to put my life at risk in order to save my child! 

So this is how I came to make my family the highest priority in my life.
And although deep down I felt I had always known this, I was now determined
to live it on a day to day basis.  My family is the only thing I would be
prepared to cross that I beam for.

If you are ever in any doubt as to what your highest priorities are. Place
yourself at the end of that 'I' beam and with the wind blowing and the rain
falling imagine yourself about to step out across it.  What would you cross
the 'I' beam for?

'What Matters Most - The Power of Living Your Values' is available in audio
program and softback through Franklin Covey www.franklincovey.com.au
<http://www.franklincovey.com.au/>  .

__________________________________________________________ 

Richard has been married for 12 years.  He has a son, 7 years old and a
daughter 5 years old.  Richard considers that his most important work is to
be the best dad he can be for his children.  He holds an Associate position
at an international engineering consultancy where he works as a civil
engineer.

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News & Info

 

 
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06_1_1.jpg>  

GREAT NEWS - REDUCE YOUR TAX!!

The Fatherhood Foundation has been approved to receive tax-deductible
donations. Cheques should be made payable to Fatherhood Foundation Public
Fund.

PO Box 440

Wollongong NSW 2520

For further information go to: 

'About Us' at the end of this newsletter.

 

Child Support Agency to be scrapped

By Rosemary Bennett

The Times (Britain) 1 June 2006

The following story was forwarded to fathersonline by Dads in Distress

www.dadsindistress.asn.au <http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/>  

A new slimline operation will enforce maintenance payments on absent parents
only as a last resort.

The Child Support Agency will be scrapped this summer and replaced with a

pared-down operation to collect cash from the most hardened absent fathers

who refuse to pay maintenance.

The Times has learnt that, in future, separating parents will be told to
sort out their own financial arrangements with the help of national
guidelines on appropriate levels of child maintenance. Cash incentives may
even be offered to couples for staying away from the new, slimmed-down
agency.

The decision to abolish the CSA, which has been plagued with problems since
it was set up in 1993, is an admission by the Government that it is unable
to deal with the scale of the problem of maintenance payments after family
break-up.

Ministers will be accused of letting down some of the most vulnerable
families in the country. However, they will argue that, when parents
separate, the Government should get involved only as a last resort, not as
soon as the break-up happens.

The new agency will be told to "track and enforce" payments in the most
complex cases. These include absent fathers who are willing to change job
and move house to avoid paying for their children.

It will have extra powers to use credit details to track down absent parents
and discover how much money they have.

Greater use will also be made of "deduction of earnings orders" to collect
payments. These orders are now issued only in exceptional cases but will
become routine, government sources say.

Private debt collectors will also be invited to bid for contracts to enforce
payments.

John Hutton, the Work and Pensions Secretary, finally will admit defeat and
kill off the failing CSA next month in a Commons statement. He will announce
plans for a Bill giving the new agency its powers to enforce debt
collection.

Mr Hutton has told colleagues that the CSA was involved too early on when a
couple separated, often becoming an excuse to avoid difficult conversations
about money.

Hundreds of thousands of mothers on benefits are automatically registered
with the CSA when their relationship breaks up, even if they have reached an
agreement on maintenance with the former partner. They account for about 67
per cent of the agency's casework.

Although maintenance payments will still be deducted from benefits under the
new child support system, ministers will try to keep these cases away from
the new agency unless there is a default.

Officials at the Department for Work and Pensions are examining work at the
Department for Constitution Affairs, which is broadening the role of the
Court Advisory Service to provide more mediation and conciliation services
so that separating parents can agree access arrangements outside court.
Similar services are being planned for parents to discuss finance.

The plans are the result of a review conducted by Sir David Henshaw, a
former chief executive of Liverpool City Council, who has been paid £900 a
day to come up with a replacement.

The Child Support Agency has struggled since its creation 13 years ago and
is chasing £2 billion of outstanding debts owed to single parents, although
much of it has been written off.

Half of all mothers who apply to the CSA have no contact with the father of
their children. In one in five cases, the mother and father have never lived
together, and in 15 per cent of cases, the father is also being chased by
other mothers through the agency.

However, Mr Hutton has said that too many absent fathers still think that
their financial responsibilities end when the relationship with the
children's mother breaks up. Frank Field, a former welfare reform minister,
said that he would welcome any move to keep warring parents away from the
agency.

"I'm 100 per cent behind that. Most people are grown up and accept their
responsibilities, and the CSA wastes its time chasing them," he said.

"The power of the State should only be used against people who fail to meet
minimum requirements of good parenting."

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Dad's Prayer

 

<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/man_rubbing_belly_pa
tting_head_hg_wht.gif> Dear God

Help me use my brain 

to make better decisions,

so that I can 
live longer to be

a blessing to my family.

My family needs
a live father  

not a dead one.

Please help me eat the right things,

cut back on junk food

and eat more vegetables,

move my body more and

learn to laugh again.

After all laughter is the best way to reduce stress.

You're happy, so why shouldn't I be happy?

If I'm happy then I can make my family happier

because a cheerful heart is good medicine.

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Help Us

 
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ausheart.com.au/fathers/about/index.html> Click here for more information
about us 

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. 
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a   source of
harm. 
The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in
fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved,
protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and
their children's mother.
 
The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving.  That's
why this newsletter is given freely without expectation.  
Life is also about relationships.  
That's what being a good father is all about, developing relationships with
your loved ones.
 
If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public
Fund and receive tax deductibility:
Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund 
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax
deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558 
 
Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA
 
The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the
Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income
Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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